Since I retired from working, I have struggled with many things on a daily basis. Self-worth and feeling I had purpose and value are at the top of the list. This has has many negative effects on my life as one could easily imagine. It has made me doubt myself and my value to others, which to some is a very annoying thing and I fear has cost me a friend, or two. As I deeply value each and every friendship, it saddens me deeply when my need for approval pushes someone away. If I could tell those who became frustrated with my self-doubt one thing it would be this; If you only knew how few people I DO trust and value opinions from and what I look for in people I do allow in my life, maybe you wouldn't be so quick to walk away. I don't ever really tell people exactly what it is that I face every day and have to deal with. If I did, well....... I'm not going to start now either.
I have made a deal with my closest friends to try and make 2012 a comeback year for all of us and I by God intend to keep my word. So, good riddance 2011! The self-doubt is over, I live with pain that would paralyze most people and I STILL refuse to give in to that. I slipped this last year and allowed the depression and hopeless feelings to rule. No more.